she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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