Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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