i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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