if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
