I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
