it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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