Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
