hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
