bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
