will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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