My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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