Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
