I am puke
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
