I think scott just propositioned me for sex
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
