I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
These tits shall not be calmed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
