she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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