Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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