To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
