my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
