if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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