I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
