TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
