At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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