dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
