theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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