I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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