I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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