Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
