Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
