i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
