You can't motorboat a personality
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize