I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
