What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
