I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Terrible idea I love it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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