Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
