i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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