I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
