so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
