There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Acid is not a monday night drug
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
