My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize