how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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