How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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