Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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