I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
