Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
