he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
