What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
