drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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