I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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