genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
