it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
