i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
