The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
