I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize