Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
