Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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