Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize