jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
