I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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