It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
