i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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