Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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