and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
