all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
