dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
