Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
