If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
