Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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