Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
