he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
