All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize