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This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
