guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
