the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
